I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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