i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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