My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
