in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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