Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
