apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
