There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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