Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
