So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
