I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
