She announced her abortion via fbk
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
