i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
