Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She just used a chaser for red wine.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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