It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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