i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
