respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize