In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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