Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
