so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
