Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
