Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
