Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
