Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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