just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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