Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
