I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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