Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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