the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
