So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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