May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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