thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
