Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
