he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize