I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
