Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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