hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
