So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
