We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
