I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
