i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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