Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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