Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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