I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
