he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
