I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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