i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
