If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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