Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
