Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
