my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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