wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
