I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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