I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
