Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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