I just made out with a guy for $7.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
