You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
