What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
