this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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