How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
