is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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