That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
