It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Mom said you looked used
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
