why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Randomize
