i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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