dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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