Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
