Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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