Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I will pee on everything he values.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
