her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
