I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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