Dual....:-)
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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