She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
