I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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