Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
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My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
