Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
