I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
