god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize