you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
