why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize